That Song by Alanis Morissette, or, Perseverance

I had kind of an anti-climax weekend when it comes to my writing group that I'm so excited about--not from the people whom I lead in my portion of the groups, but in my fellow leaders. I had to do a lot of conjuring up of the Airman and the Healer this weekend, and just sit with them in quiet meditation. I had to keep forgiving myself for actions that I didn't take but heavily considered.

But I didn't run away.

That's important--when I first met the Airman it wasn't under the best of circumstances for either one of us and I ran away from that encounter. Of all of the people who would have had every right to hold it against me, he never did, which continues to astound me every time I think about it. He only brought it up one other time, to give me reference in another high tension situation when I was trying for another position with Grainger, and he asked that I come talk to him if I didn't get the job. I could still go home after talking to him, but he didn't want me just running out.

I sat with that last night when I had spent a weekend interacting with folks who were leading to lead, not to promote the support of other writers. I won't go into specifics, but I finally came to the conclusion that I still have one organizer in the group I can gain inspiration from, even though he's not leading a group right now, and I can still conjure up the Airman. I know what he would ask--"Is this what you want to make important?" Nope, you're right. I will also gain inspiration from folks who call it "dreaming their novel" instead of free-writing when they hit a road block in their book, or the British visitor who wrote despite jetlag. And this will always be my writing group, but I'm looking into others, instead of sitting here waiting for my writing group to show me all the possibilities in one basket. I'm not leaving my group, just seeing how other groups do it. I'm doing my part to make sure that I learn as a teacher, and then bring that back to my groups.

And I don't feel quite so discouraged, or like ditching the whole thing. I didn't run away. That's progress.

Onward, dear reader.

P.S. - This is where today's title of Life For Rent comes from. I was listening to it yesterday during a particular ugly moment on the bus, and thought to myself, this song could describe my City, too, personified. And yes my love...I'm still here.