I am conducting a little experiment in my Meetups this week, so I am visiting all of them, just to see what they are like. The one I visited last night was in the East Bay, at 7:30 at night at quite a distance walking from mass transit, so I rented the car for the evening and played in Berkeley for a few hours.
Walking back from the car to the apartment I had a sudden, unbelievable longing crossing the intersection of 8th and Kirkham--I wished I had a man to admire me. Then, in the same sentence, I realized that he wouldn't be admiring me--he'd be admiring my biology.
That self-catch from wanting "love" would make me smug, except I gotta wonder--is there any man out there who would want me in friendship that could move to partnership?
I have to believe no, for now. Otherwise, I'll make myself crazy longing for the next guy who's going to behave like an animal. And I must qualify this by saying that I don't believe that all men are animals; I have some phenomenal male friends that help me understand how to be a better woman. But I'm not romantic with any of them.
Onward, dear reader.
P.S. - This is where this post's title of Life For Rent comes from. I first heard this song when I was in love with a man I couldn't have in Missouri. Now it just helps to wonder about possibilities.
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