Fix You

115 mg.

When I haven't had a tall eggnog latte from Starbucks or Peet's, that's how much cholesterol I'm leaving off. (The last one I had prior to today was a week and a half ago.) On a daily basis, a person is supposed to have 213 mg or less of cholesterol. I know this number very well these days.

There is no number for how many ounces/mg/percentage of stress you're supposed to have. For that number, you're on your own.

So here's what I've been eating each day:

• Breakfast: no fat yogurt, large oatmeal with dried cranberries and a teaspoon of brown sugar
• Snacks: a palmful of nuts, usually almonds
• Lunch: Spinach salad with avocado, tomato, onion, and hard-boiled egg whites
• Dinner: One of the following whole grain muffins--apple/cranberry, oatmeal/banana, pumpkin/walnut, or zucchini/wheat bran

And here's what causes me stress:

• Work
• Not being healthy enough to have a baby
• Not having time to have a routine to get healthy, because of...
• Work

This morning, God gave me a day without rain and a warm day without rain, at that. Yes, I know he has better things to do, but it feels good to know that I get these days as gifts, and that I have someone to thank for them. I took the gift and pried myself out of my flannel-inticed and lethargic bed and went for a fast, heart-starting walk to the ocean.

If you never try, you'll never know...just what you're worth.

After the walk I had lunch of chicken barley soup with Triskets, and a gingerbread ninja, and then drifted off into a nap, and then picked up my laundry and realized THE GIFT WAS STILL THERE, so I headed down the hill again, and got that drink that is 38% poison, according to chemistry, and did it with a smile on my face. The air was warm, the light was pink, the world slower and without a soundtrack, just breathing around me and CPR-ing me slower too. I drifted to the Park, I watched the fountains in the Music Concourse, I said "thank you" to no one in particular and someone I loved. I loved on that latte, and my shoulders fell in place, my body filled with that other part of chemistry, with the element named O, and I couldn't stop grinning.

NO STRESS.

Yes, that's an EGG NOG LATTE. And I'm willing to bet you if you took a blood test right now it would read in 100's, where it's supposed to be.

Lights will guide you home...and ignite your bones...and I will try...to fix you.

Onward.